My Creative Detours

Or 99 Ways I Waste Time to Avoid Writing

RSS • Apple Podcasts •  Overcast •  Castro •  Android •  Pocketcasts • Stitcher • TuneIn • Youtube (Close Captioned for the Hearing Impaired)

A little something fun for the new year: a little bit confessional, a little bit satire and a little bit digital chaos.

  1. I type out notes that I will never search for nor use
  2. I spend two hours on YouTube looking for videos on note-taking apps to make sure that I have the best app for the notes that I will never search for nor use
  3. I change my mind a month later and switch to another note-taking app because they have released a feature that I think will change my life and I spend a week copying notes from my old note-taking app to my new note-taking app
  4. I spend three hours on Medium reading articles about how to best organize my notes for optimal yield even though I will never search nor use these notes
  5. I spend 4 days carefully tagging all notes for all possible needs, though I will never actually use nor search for any of these notes
  6. I decide to buy a notebook and spend an hour deciding on color and size
  7. I get lost for 3 hours on Pinterest looking at Bullet Journal tips
  8. I spend two hours watching videos on fountain pen ink
  9. I look at seven posts on instagram
  10. I rearrange the apps on my phone
  11. I make myself a new wallpaper for my phone
  12. I make myself a never wallpaper for my iPad
  13. I rearrange the apps on my phone to better accommodate the new wallpaper
  14. I reorganize my todo app
  15. I go to YouTube to learn more about my todo apps
  16. I download three other todo apps
  17. I spend an hour testing all the apps against each other
  18. I decide I like another app more than the app the app I’m already using
  19. I spend four hours moving all my tasks into the new todo app
  20. I defer all my tasks for the day
  21. I do thirty minutes of yoga to stretch out the horrible cramping pain in my neck from obsessively using my phone for four hours
  22. I read about pinched nerves, heart attacks and degenerative bone diseases on WebMD, Livestrong and the Mayo Clinic website.
  23. I order chamomile on Amazon
  24. I look at three posts on instagram
  25. I color code my index cards
  26. I reorganize my bookshelf
  27. I read 20-30 pages of a book on writing
  28. I Youtube ways to plot a novel and end up watching videos about backpacks
  29. I read pieces of fifteen novels looking for a pattern
  30. I watch tutorials on iPad drawing apps
  31. I text message three friends about The Orville & The X-files
  32. I lay on the bed and listen to 7 podcasts at two times speed
  33. I spend a month coping notes from old journals into the new one — but this time in cursive
  34. I realize that I don’t like some of my cursive letters and I Google images of cursive handwriting
  35. I practice new letter by writing The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog over and over in an old Mead spiral notebook
  36. I buy a fountain pen on Amazon
  37. I give up on the cursive note coping after three weeks and go back to looking for note-taking apps that have handwriting recognition
  38. I move my novel from Scrivener to Ulysses to IAwriter and back to Scrivener
  39. I buy boxes for my index cards
  40. I look for paper to put in my typewriter but give up
  41. I do yoga
  42. I google best ergonomic desk chairs
  43. I google best ergonomics couches
  44. I google new mattresses
  45. I flip my mattress
  46. I text two friends about Radiohead & Björk
  47. I watch a cat video on instagram
  48. I google best cat food
  49. I do a ten-minute French lesson on Duolingo
  50. I create a list of things I want to do every day like exercise, meditate, do yoga, read for an hour, drink 8 glasses of water and do one French lesson on Doulingo
  51. I put this list into my todo app and schedule it for every day
  52. I get annoyed after three days and start ignoring the notifications until I decide daily rituals need to be in a habit tracking app
  53. I spend two hours in the app store reading reviews of habit tracking apps
  54. I download a habit tracking app and move my list from the todo app into the habit tracking app
  55. I delete the habit tracking app three days later because its too much pressure
  56. I read about pomomdoro technique
  57. I consider researching pomodoro apps but decide I can just use the timer built into my phone
  58. I decide apple notes is the best place for the notes I will never search for nor use and start coping them over before getting annoyed by the lack of tags
  59. I watch 7 episodes of CSI while playing Bloons Tower Defense on my phone
  60. I delete Bloons Tower Defense from my phone
  61. I look at seven posts on instagram
  62. I rearrange the apps on my phone
  63. I look at my podcast download numbers
  64. I open Instagram and end up watching videos of people cutting styrofoam with hot knives
  65. I print out my character sketches from Scrivener and spend twenty minutes looking for a manilla envelope
  66. I watch 6 episodes of black & white Doctor Who and two episodes of the Golden Girls while playing Soda Dungeon on my iPad.
  67. I delete Soda Dungeon and watch one episode of Father Ted
  68. I sit down to write, but my back hurts so I do yoga.
  69. I write three sentences then open up safari and Google Kabalah references in Holocaust literature
  70. I check my email
  71. I click my Kindle daily deals email and browse books
  72. I google ways to consolidate iBooks & Kindle book libraries
  73. I download ebook converters from risky websites
  74. I click a Pornhub ad and end up playing Candy Crush for thirty minutes
  75. I watch one of my old vlogs
  76. I watch one of Casey Niestats’s old vlogs—the one where he rescues the drone from the roof next-door
  77. I record a video
  78. I delete it
  79. I go back to writing but end up rearranging the toolbar in Scrivener
  80. I post a picture of my laptop on Instagram with the caption “Hard at work”
  81. I search for the hashtag creativityquotes
  82. I look at the explore tab on Instagram and wonder why its full of half-naked tattooed women, spider-man cosplay & videos of people cutting styrofoam with hot knives
  83. I try to remember my Tumblr password
  84. I re-read Tuli Kupferberg’s 1001 Ways to Beat the Draft and circle number 17: replace your feet with wheels
  85. I do yoga
  86. I delete my notes because I will never search for them nor use them
  87. I recover my notes
  88. I buy a different notebook
  89. I buy a fountain pen with a flex nib
  90. I buy a $250 backpack off of kickstarter
  91. I text the link for the backpack to three friends
  92. I check the status of my backpack order
  93. I download Megaman on my iPhone, die five times in a row and delete the app
  94. I download an new todo app
  95. I turn on my Xbox, play Stardew Valley, die in the mines and turn off the console
  96. I try to cancel HBO
  97. I watch half of Fellini’s 8 1/2
  98. I check the status of my backpack order
  99. I nap

Help keep all Random Badassery programming advertisement free.
Support Us on Patreon

Leave a Reply